Sunday, August 3, 2008
Self Reflection
Hello to all of my diligent readers. Tonight is a night of serious self reflection. I don’t know what happened to me. As James & I were climbing into bed tonight, I was drowning in my own thoughts of inadequacy. Poor guy, he had no idea what was about to hit him. He tried to goof around and tickle me and I immediately began to cry. All of a sudden I had been blind-sighted by all of these thoughts that have now kept me up for hours. Why don’t I take better care of myself? Why don’t I love myself as much as I love James & David? I’m sorry to bore all of you and I will not at all be offended if you stop reading now. Writing is therapeutic for me, so I thought I would send these thoughts of mine into the blog world. I have been noticing things for a few days now and I think the gravity of them finally hit me like a ton of bricks tonight. I’m a people watcher. It is a wonderful habit that I am able to enjoy wherever I go. Lately I have been paying very close attention to those of my same gender. I see so many wonderful and amazing women every day. Mothers and wives who work hard at taking care of themselves and their families. They all have responsibilities and handle them with grace and beauty. Why can’t I? I’m not saying that I don’t take care of my family, because I do. I will admit that I am a pretty good wife and a very loving mother. But how great can I be if I don’t take time to care about myself? I always plan on getting out of bed early to go swim laps before James leaves for work, but I never do it. I always notice when I need to reshape my eyebrows, but I never get to it before it’s too late. I see the new gray hairs on my head every morning, but I still haven’t had my hair colored since last October. I have a full tube of mascara in my purse and another in my bathroom, but I can’t even remember the last time I wore it. I wear my hair the exact same way every day, a style that takes me a whole 5 minutes to do. But why? Is it laziness? Or do I really just not care about myself that much? I only have about 5 outfits that I wear, which I rotate every week. I use money as an excuse, and even though it is quite a good one, it is not the only valid excuse. I could try harder. I could maximize what I have. I just don’t know how. I am stuck in a rut. I don’t know exactly what kind of comments I am hoping to get from this blog. I just feel like I need some help. Maybe some tips on how to find some more “me” time and actually use it for myself. I’m not saying that I want to be unrealistically gorgeous, but maybe enough to sometimes make my husband take a second look at me or make myself smile in the mirror. Thanks for listening to me whine. Any comments would be appreciated.
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8 comments:
Oh Keri! I feel inadequate to respond to your post but my heart just wants to reach out to you! I hope you don't mind if I leave just a few words. I'm sure others will have much more useful and beneficial advice and comfort, but please accept my humble attempt to offer a little solace.
1. I remember the first time I met you and James. I remember thinking, "Wow! She sure looks happy for being 9 months pregnant!" What impressed me was nothing of a physical nature but how brightly your spirit shined through your eyes. You had such a bright countenance that it caught my attention. I immediately liked you and felt that you were someone I could trust. Keri, this is what makes you so beautiful, it is the light of Christ in your eyes, your smile and in your words. You radiate beauty and goodness from your heart.
2. One of my favorite figures from history is Saint Francis of Assisi. He penned these words that you are probably already familiar with...
"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
I hope that as you continue to self reflect that you will not be too harsh on yourself. It is good to self reflect; it shows maturity and a willingness to improve yourself, your abilities, your habits, etc...
However, sometimes as we self reflect we become overwhelmed with the negative things and become discouraged and disappointed, but the challenge is to take that and turn it into something positive, something constructive that will encourage growth and development.
3. As for tips on finding more "me time" may I suggest pray, pray, and pray! Your circumstances and obstacles are individual and unique from those around you. May I suggest that if you have not already done so, you ask the Lord to help you find what will work best in your life with your current circumstances. I know that you know He will hear and answer your prayers.
Secondly, lean on those close to you (namely James). The Lord placed those people in your life for a reason. They want to comfort you when you have a bad day; they want to share in your joys and sorrows.
Keri, hang in there...do what you know is right, keep smiling and just be you!
Lots of Love, Tahsha
Keri, you know we have all been there. Us Mother's. I don't know what happens, that makes us suddenly compare every aspect of our lives to others. Maybe it begins with our babies, comparing them to others their age to make sure they are "caught up" and then you start noticing other moms. How are they doing the same thing I am doing but they look like that and I look like this?!?! I agree with Tasha every circumstance is individual and I can only suggest what has helped me. I started taking "ME" time and not feeling guilty about it. There are still areas that I need to improve on (Chad's and the kids closet and drawers are organized beyond belief, while mine looks as though a tornado hit it.) but start little by little. I would have Chad and Austin cuddle and play, while I started going on a 30 min. walk in the evening. I got out of the house, got some fresh air and it was wonderful.
Whether it's James and David have some bonding time while you go for a power walk and take a bubble bath. Or every sunday evening you can primp and beautify yourself(tweeze, shave your legs, relaxing bubble bath, or shower, paint toenails or fingernails, planning outfits, etc) for the upcoming week. YOU NEED IT!!
Also, please remember you had little David not too long ago, and it was a big change. You just have to find your groove on working your everyday care, into your impossibly filled day, and prioritize what you want done. And remember he is not going to be hurt by you taking an extra 20 min. a day to get ready or your hour of "me" time while him and his dad bond. I had a hard time with that too. I still joke, that it took me a year to figure out how to shower without having Chad home and Austin asleep in bed.
My mom finally said to me, Kristen, You can't do everything. You think you are helping your baby and husband by doing it all, but unless you take time to take care of yourself now, you are not going to be around to take care of them later...
Cousin Keri,
I think we have all been in the situation of "letting ourselves go." Something I do about every other week. I received this lovely email the other day, and I hope that it will help. Good Luck and keep your chin up!
THE MAYONNAISE JAR & TWO CUPS OF COFFEE
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar
and the 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.'
'The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.
The sand is everything else-the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.'
'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.'
'The coffee just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.
Keri, you are loved by so many people and most of all, you are loved by a loving Heavenly Father who's love is so great that it never fails. I love you too! You are wonderful just the way you are! I loved reading everyone else's comments, they were very appropriate. You have some pretty amazing friends and family members and I think you are pretty amazing gal yourself! David James has a fantastic Mother and I'm sure he says that all the time, you just can't understand him yet!
First of all...Tahsha is amazing, can she be one of our sisters? And second of all, you already know that I know that you know that you are amazing...amazing in a sense that you look at the bright side of things, and don't take things too seriously.
But from my experience, even with having the last name of "Bright" it's hard to find the brightness in yourself and other things around you all the time. I say follow some of the things from the comments already left and I will try some out too! Then lets talk about it in three weeks face to face:) love, jenny
Keri, you are a beautiful girl and have alot to work with. I know that you think that this is just your mom talking, but I'm also your friend. You have come so far in this life. Remember all of the hard work that you have survived to get this far. Take a deep breath and smile for what you have achieved. Sometimes we do give so much to our families that we don't feel like we have anything left for ourselves. That's when I can say that it's all worth it. But really, take some time for yourself so that you can be the best that you can be for your family and for yourself. Don't get lost along the way. Love You So Much! Mom.
I think we all feel "inadequate" at times. I try to use what I see in others as motivation to be better rather than to compare myself and bring me down. You are right; there are so many amazing women out there...and they all have great ideas for you and I to implement. And taking care of yourself is a way to show love to the people you love the most, your hubby and David. If you are at your best, you'll be able to give them more. :) And above all, never forget who you are...a daughter of a loving Father in Heaven, a princess if you will!
So a full month and a half later and I'm just reading this post? Jenny's right. Tahsha should be one of your sisters cause I suck at it. :)
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